We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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