I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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