went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
