Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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