I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
