I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He better not be in your backpack
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
