Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
