:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
