No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
