if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
