Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
