when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
