Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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