so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
