everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
