i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
