Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
