Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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