Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
