i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
