Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
