I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just cropdusted the office
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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