someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
