The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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