we have officially lost it.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize