How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
