Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
