the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
