Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
