Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The ass gains better be worth it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
