I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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