Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
