tell your sister to shave her snatch
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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