I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
