i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
