All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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