Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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