Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
3 2 1 whiskey
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
