Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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