i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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