I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
