Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize