In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
worst night to have a conscience
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
