if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
