he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
