My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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