Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
