Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
