also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
