I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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