My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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