I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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