I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
