the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
