I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
