it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
