plz talk dirty to me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
