Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How does it feel to date your dad?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
