he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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