almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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