I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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