he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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