the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
