: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
