If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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