youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
