He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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