So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
