Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
