try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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