I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
